Journey of Fear

Why Am I Doing This Again?

Photomatt28 / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

Mindsets can change quickly.

After a month or so of earning money and working on the RV4, I began to come up with little excuses as to why I couldn’t leave Pittsburgh just yet. I didn’t have enough gas money to make it to Denver and back, I hadn’t finished installing my electrical system, my shower drain wasn’t working quite as well as I wanted it to – the list only continued to grow the longer I looked for reasons to wait. I had fallen far from the point in which I was at as I Walked Through the Graveyard in the month prior.

This is where mindfulness truly became a powerful tool. Mindfulness, at least the way I define it, is the ability to perpetually remind yourself of what truly matters in life, particularly when irrelevant fears begin to consume your thoughts – i.e. concerns about money, relationships, etc.

At some point, though I can’t recall when or what it was exactly, I was forced to again become mindful of why it was that I was taking this trip: to eliminate fear from my daily life, and (for once) live freely. And by making excuses for why I couldn’t leave, I was only succumbing to my fears. So I set a date. This would be the day that I would leave, regardless of what I had or hadn’t accomplished. Any additional concerns would be dealt with on the road, or would be forgotten.

The date I chose coincided with the estimated completion of the construction project I was working on at the time. A close family friend had hired me to help renovate their rental property and manage the contractors. Of course, in construction, dates tend to fly by quickly, and I overshot my deadline. No matter – I simply extended my date of departure by a week and began working double shifts at the property. After I had finished the project, I gave myself one week to finalize the car and finish packing.

The family got together one final time for a game night a few days before I left. This bit was crucial for me – I knew how much I was going to miss them. Mom and Dad gave me an incredible last-minute gift of an all-expense paid trip to Costco, a magical place where everything comes in sizes that are about double of what one person could possibly use in your own lifetime (or so I thought at the time). All of the food, soap and cleaning supplies that I would need for the first month of the trip were now crammed into the car. I had finally run out of excuses. It was time to leave.

At 2:30 pm on September 15, 2015, I conducted my final check of the RV4 and hit the road. I was headed for Columbus, OH, and I was on a deadline. I had a special someone that I needed to spend some serious time with before I truly embarked on my Journey of Fear.


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