From the Darkness
I fell into a dark period during my first year out of college – one that I can only characterize by the word terror.
Dazed and Confuzed
I think that many recent grads are a bit traumatized by the sudden jolt that being handed a diploma can induce. But for me, it served as a sudden exposure to the grim truth of life: that there were no more rules, no more curriculums, and that nobody would be there to point me towards the individual path that I was supposed to take.
I was terrified by the sudden realization that everything was now up to me. Oddly, they hadn’t offered any courses on how to succeed in the real world.
I didn’t notice it at the time, but looking back, I can see that being stuck in that perpetually fearful, uncertain state had opened up my mind to many additional fears. I began to worry about little things at first – the mouse that had moved in with my roommates and I in our Columbus, OH apartment, the dog that barked incessantly next door, the temperature that we kept the house at.
But it wasn’t until I finally lost my one source of stability – the job that had supported me for two years prior – that the floodgates were finally opened.
I went into a panic.
Not only did I constantly fret about my inability to pay my bills, but I seemed to find only more and more things to worry about. Then I stumbled across a documentary called Zeitgeist: The Movie.
All hell broke loose.
Conspiracy
The documentary was essentially an introductory crash course in all of the major conspiracy theories of our time. From 9-11 being planned to the corruption of the federal banking system, it opened my mind to an all-new scope of fears to dwell upon. And I devoured them all – the evidence was just too compelling, and I wasn’t healthy enough to know how to deal with this type of thing.
It took me a while to notice my downward spiral. For some reason, the perpetual clenching sensation that I could feel in my stomach hadn’t struck me as unnatural or out of place – probably because it had been a slow build to that point. The sleepless nights also seemed normal, since I could always blame it on something that I ate. The extra 35 pounds that I gained also wasn’t a sign of anything other than a need to start exercising again. I was blind to my own fear for much of my remaining time in Columbus, until I haphazardly stumbled across a powerful tool that would significantly change my life – albeit not until after I crawled my way home to Pittsburgh, PA.
Like my fears, that tool exists totally within my own mind.
It’s call the Law of Attraction.
Has one comment to “From the Darkness”